Don't Say Goodbye
by But I Have Promises To Keep
Summary: When Natara is called back to the FBI, can Mal tell her how he feels before she leaves forever?
1. Chapter 1

_Natara Williams_

She had gotten the call that morning. The one to take her away. Her phone was ringing that morning. She had picked it up, seeing it was Chief Blair.  
>"Hello?" she had said, a greeting that would long be forgotten soon.<br>"Agent Williams. This is Chief Blare. I would like to inform you that we need you back very soon. As their are no breaks in the Genevieve Collins case, we'd like to call you back to work on other cases until something comes up. When do you think you can get a plane ticket to D.C.?"  
>She had then bit her lip, drawing blood. Of course, she had forgotten at some point or another that she would be called back. That this place which she called her home for the last few months was not where she resides truly. Nothing in her life was truly permanent.<br>"I don't know" she said, and she truly did not think she would every truly be ready to leave this place. "I need to wrap up some lose ends, pack things up". But really the explanation was 'Say some goodbyes'.  
>"Very well. Call when you find out". He had hung up, and Natara did also. The truth was she had become attached to the people she worked with, something she was never to do. Ken, Amy, Mal, even Kai. She knew getting attached was dangerous, that at any moment she would have to say goodbye. No warning, barely and explanation, just a simple 'goodbye forever' that wasn't so simple to say. <p>


	2. Chapter 2

_Mal Fallon_

Mal came by that same morning, pulling up to Natara's long term hotel building like usual to pick her up. He looked up and swore he saw her dark form in the window, and a few minutes later she appeared, her laptop bag slung over her shoulder and a distinct frown plastered on her face. She opened the car door, sliding in and putting her bag on her lap, looking down at her shoes and avoiding Mal's gaze.  
>"What's up?" he asked, seeing her expression as he pulled out if the hotel parking lot.<br>"Nothing" she lied.  
>Mal raised his eyebrows "I may not be a FBI mind reader Nat, but I know you. Do you really think I don't know when somethings up?"<br>She couldn't help but smile, but contradicted this by saying "Seriously Mal, I-I don't want to talk about it."  
>Mal was taken back, Natara had never been cold or distant to him, and had never hid anything from him. Deciding this must be a sensitive subject, he decided to tread lightly around this it and avoid it completely. For the first time ever, the ride there was painfully silent, and Mal thought that Natara was avoiding his eyes as they pulled into the station. This was confirmed when Natara, head down as if anyone's gaze was physically painful to her, fast-walked into the station, leaving Mal in her dust.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

_Natara Williams_

Fleeing from the piercing gaze of her partner, she entered the station, keeping her head down. immediately, she ran to inform Captain Yeong of her departure, thinking it was funny how she was telling her temporary boss about it before her friends. 'Friends' she thought bitterly. She hated that she'd gotten too close to call them that, she shouldn't have let herself. Now she was going to pay for it. She wanted nothing more to stay here, to have something, anything be permanent in her life. To have something that she knew would always be there, that could never be taken away. But that was not the life she had chosen. She was with the FBI, and that was simply the life she had taken. There was no going back, and she would carry this experience with her as a reminder. Just like Shawn had taught her to stay away from your partner, the people she would soon leave behind had taught her to keep her distance from everyone. Because you never know when you'll look up one day, and they won't be there anymore. You never know when you have to rip yourself away, even if it means leaving part of yourself stuck behind.


	4. Chapter 4

_Mal Fallon_

Mal quickened his walk as Natara entered the building, worried that he had done something to offend her. "Women…" muted Mal under his breath as he pushed open the door. He only just caught a glimpse of Natara's pants leg as it whipped past the closing door of Captain Yeong's office. And as bad as Mal wanted to burst in there and demand an answer of Natara, he knew he couldn't. That he would have to wait for her to come out, because breaking the barrier would only make things worse.

_Natara Williams_

Natara had barely gotten into Captain Yeong's office before Mal had caught her, and after she was in she knew he had enough sense not to chase her. She sat in a chair across from Captain Yeong, who as usual was sitting at her desk, her usual stern demeanor ever present.  
>"Captain, I was contacted this morning about returning to D.C." said Natara, not wishing to beat around the bush.<br>Her stern demeanor faded for a second, showing very brief disappointment "Any reason?" she asked, her usual composure returning.  
>"They said since no new evidence on the Genevieve Collins case has presented itself, they want me back for other cases." she answered.<br>"Very well, that is not my preference but if they need you, I will make the proper arrangements." she said. Natara nodded, walking over and placing her hand on the door handle. She braced herself for what would wait on the other side, the questions and demands, and pushed. Mal was waiting impatiently outside the door.


	5. Chapter 5

_Mal Fallon_

Mal watched as the door crept open, a large dark eye peering through the crack at him. Natara opened the door, stepping out quietly as if she went slow enough she would be invisible.  
>Mal approached her, and he could see from her expression she didn't want to talk. Mal did, and he wanted answers. "Nat, what the heck is going on?" he asked, keeping his voice calm.<br>She saw her bite her lip, which had a mark on it where she'd done so before. It drew blood, and she finally met his eyes. Mal now saw her eyes were wet, but no tears escaped. They remained in her eyes. "I-I'm" she started, but stopped, letting out a deep breath. "I'm fine" she said "It's nothing". She let her gaze drop again, and left him to grab some paperwork she'd neglected to finish from the other day. Mal knew it wasn't nothing, that whatever was upsetting her wasn't okay.

_Natara Williams_

'Why did you have to be so obvious?' she thought 'he knows somethings up. Now because he's so stupid and caring, he won't stop until he finds out what's bothering me'. She turned around and saw him approaching. 'Act normal' she told herself. He wordlessly sat next to her, and she averted her gaze. 'Thats right' she encourage herself 'Don't look up. If you do, your just going to look into his stupid blue eyes and tell him everything'. She knew she wouldn't tell him. She had know for a long time that he had feeling for her, and had shown much appreciated restraint. She wasn't ready for more than a mutual friendship. She didn't want to hear anything from him that he normally wouldn't say if he knew he would never see her again. It wasn't that she didn't care for Mal, but she had learned long ago dating a co-worker is way to complicated. That you have to put your job before your relationship. Even though Mal wouldn't be her partner for long, she traveled too much with the FBI. Too much could happen to either of them, and they wouldn't even see each other every day. Too many 'what if's made anything between them impossible, and as if right now it was better to push Mal away.


	6. Chapter 6

_Mal Fallon_

He crossed the room, following his partner. As she sat next to her as if to examine her, as of something she did or wrote would show what was the matter. "I was married once" said Mal "and I like to think I can speak woman." Natara feigned deafness. "Like I know 'I'm Fine' really means 'ask me what's wrong'. I know 'it's nothing' means 'you better figure out what's ticking me off…'".  
>Natara couldn't suppress a smile in spite if herself. "And there, I know your smiling because I said something stupid that's somewhat true."<br>Natara's smile grew, and she was grateful that she could actually start to pretend that nothing had happened. "Sometimes I don't know how your divorced." she joked.  
>"So your saying I am right?" he asked, suddenly serious.<br>Somewhat annoyed, Natara said "Really, it's nothing."  
>"Translation: 'Really, it's something'" he said.<br>Annoyed, Natara scowled at how he knew and went to file her recently filled out paper, leaving Mal behind.

_Natara Williams_

She placed her paperwork in the correct file, heading down to the crime lab for simply something to do. She didn't know yet if she would tell Amy, but found she didn't have to when Amy had pounced at her entrance. "Oh my God, I can't believe your leaving!" she said. Clearly she had seen an e-mail or similar. Natara heard Mal coming behind her and shook her head to silence Amy. Amy did so, covering her mouth as if using it to hold back another outburst. Mal walked in after Natara, looking at the two women that clearly shared a terrible secret. Amy, acting totally unnatural, attempted to walk extra-normally to her computer, almost tripping over her own feet as she did. Mal didn't look at her though, his eyes bore deep into Natara's, and for a moment they made eye contact. Then Natara broke it, and although she had just walked into the crime lab, she walked right back out again.


	7. Chapter 7

__**I am super sorry to anyone who read the totally random chapter posted here earlier, I uploaded the wrong chapter to the wrong story, sorry. By the way sorry if I don't update for a while, I have sophomore class finals, a term paper and a health (psychology) project, which I have been devising so I do not have to speak in front of the class. (Loopholes in the project requirements ...win.)  
><strong>

_Mal Fallon_

He watched as Natara walked out of the crime lab, once again avoiding his gaze. Rather than chasing her, he turned to Amy. Clearly whatever secret she was keeping from him she had confided in Amy.  
>"Why's Natara so upset?" he asked from her, trying to keep the curiosity from his voice.<br>"Nothing!" she said quickly, but looked almost as upset as Natara had.  
>"Amy, is Natara mad at me for something?" he asked.<br>"No, it's not like that! It's nothing to do with you Mal, it's just- I can't tell you!" she said. Frustrated, Mal stomped off and up the stairs after Natara.

_Natara Williams_

She walked quickly up the stairs, as if she could lose Mal this way. She wasn't sure why she was avoiding him, in all honesty she wanted to spend her last hours here with him. But she feared that if their eyes locked again, she would be frozen like a deer in headlights. That she wouldn't be able to stop looking, to move on and forget those deep blue eyes. That their piercing blue would haunt her dreams with the past she had tried so hard to leave behind. She was so engrossed in thought that she nearly ran into Captain Yeong, who had gone down to talk to Natara. "Sorry Captain" said Natara.  
>"Special Agent Williams, I just wanted to tell you that Chief Blare called. Your plane leaves…" But she was cut off when Mal came up the steps after Natara, listening intently to what Captain Yeong was saying.<br>"Mind if we continue this conversation elsewhere?" asked Natara. Captain Yeong looked at Mal, and seemed to see a layer of unknowing in his eyes. It seemed she realized that Natara didn't want him to know. For a brief moment her face softened, then snapped back to normal, though her voice was still soft when she said "Very well, my office". Natara left Mal on the stairs, and he looked somewhat betrayed.


	8. Chapter 8

_Natara Williams_

She followed behind Captain Yeong, refraining from looking at Mal. They entered her office, where she immediately started with "He doesn't know?".  
>"No. I'll tell him in my own time". It felt weird having a non-professional conversation with her Captain, but realized she guessed she wasn't he Captain anymore. Yet another person she would leave behind. She handed Natara and envelope. "This is your plane ticket, it leaves at 7am tomorrow morning." Natara took it with numb hands. She hadn't expected it to come this fast, she had expected more time for farewells. But here it was, right in her hands. The inevitable future set to come at 7am. She tucked it in her jacket so Mal wouldn't ask questions about in and walked out, not even waiting to be dismissed. You didn't need to wait to be dissmissed by your former Captain.<p>

_Mal Fallon_

He waited, ready to pounce on Natara as soon as she got out. He was sick of this game, he wanted answers. He knew he was being impatient, but this was getting ridiculous. He knew Natara was more a privet person, kept to herself sometimes and kept her secrets to the graze, but this was enough. If she could trust her to watch his back during a shoot-out, she could tell him anything. After a while he saw her slip out of the door, not meeting his eyes again. For some reason this ticked him off. Perhaps because if the things he had learned from her, that lack of eye contact often means deception. Oh, the things they learned from each other. "Nat, I want to know what's going on. Whatever it is, it's obviously big. Come one. You can tell me anything". She gave him a dark look, one of sorrow and frustration. Her eyes met his, and Mal didn't realize that that could be that last he saw her. If he knew maybe he would have stopped her rather that watching as she she wordlessly walked past him. Chased her as she walked out the door, or at the very least said goodbye.


	9. Chapter 9

_Natara Williams_

She knew that was the last glimpse she would ever have if her partner. She remembered his face, forcing it to be embedded into her mind like a photo. She walked the long walk back to her long-term hotel. She slowly packed, as if the simple fact that she wasn't ready to re-fill her suitcase again could delay time. She couldn't stop the inevitability coming fact that after a while only the things she would need for the morning were left to pack. Looking out at the darkened sky, she curled up, cat-like, and went to sleep.

_Mal Fallon_

Mal figured Natara couldn't get far as she walked out the door, he was her ride after all. He waited for her return, having his normal day as he did so. Still, he couldn't help the countless glances at the door. Couldn't help wonder why Amy seemed quieter, where Natara had gone when she never returned. He couldn't help but worry as he left for the day, finding she had left an old keychain in his car, surely fallen from her laptop bag. It was a touristy one from D.C., Mal figured he would give it to her when he saw her in the morning. 


	10. Chapter 10

_Natara Williams_

She resented the alarm clock when it went off. She wanted nothing more to stay exactly where she was, to ignore the harsh beeping noise sounding across the room. She sat up after a few minutes of the tiny machine's screaming, feeling the bitter taste of sleep in her mouth. It was exactly when she had left Shawn, hospitalized, for San Francisco. The same feeling of anxiety and dread at the unknown. The same feeling that she had left something behind, mentally or physically, as she gathered her few stay possessions and drug her suitcase downstairs. The same feeling that she was near stressful tears as she returned her room key, and for the last time, exited the hotel.

**Two hours later**

_Mal Fallon_

Still groggy from sleep, Mal got in his car to pick up Natara. He drove into her parking lot, waiting for her for over ten minutes before he finally texted her, hoping for answers. "Where r u?" he sent, awaiting her response of and expected 'sorry, got up late' or 'on my way down'. After getting no response, he stomped angrily into the building, going up the stairs to where he knew her room was. He pounded for several minutes until an irritated-looking maid opened the door.


	11. Chapter 11

_Natara Williams_

After getting her luggage checked, Natara went through, much to her displeasure, security check. She lounged around the waiting area, she had unfortunately came early. Now she sat, dread festering inside her like acid. She had never said a goodbye, not to anyone. It was better, at least Amy had known. She had, somewhat, said an almost goodbye to her. Mal on the other hand, she had only gotten a last glimpse that had almost sent her to tears. One that made his face, confused and frustrated, burn in her memory. She said her goodbyes to this Mal, wishing she had told him the truth. But when you tried to hide something, the longer you hid it the harder it was for the truth to come out.

_Mal Fallon_

Mal sped down the road down to the station, his ears ringing with the few words the woman had said when she angrily opened the door.

_"What the heck are you doing?" she had snapped at him. _  
><em>For a second Mal had thought he had made a mistake, that he had gone to the wrong room. "I'm looking for a woman, tall, Asian. Brown hair, seen her?" he asked.<em>  
><em>"Yeah, lady like that used to live here." <em>  
><em>"Used to?" <em>  
><em>"Yeah. Moved out this morning."<em>

He had then ran to his car, speeding down to the station. It couldn't be true…  
>He finally parked at the stations parking lot, throwing himself from the car. He ran through the doors, seeing Amy retrieving a file. He ran to her, seeing her eyes were slightly red. "She's gone" she said in a high voice "She's gone."<p>

_To be continued…_


	12. Chapter 12

_Natara Williams_

Genuinely ticked, Natara got off the plane. 'Of course one of the few times I have to fly my flight's delayed' she thought. Scowling, she sat down back in the waiting area. She became strangely engrossed in watching a boy in fatigues and a teenage girl saying tearful goodbyes. Hey quickly embraced, ignored by passing people. She could see him whisper something in her ear, and she pulled away and nodded. Suddenly a noise that for some odd reason stood apart from the others sounded. As if this noise was directed to only her. She turned her head, and it was if the rest of the crowd was out if focus, the one person who had just entered the only thing in focus. He hadn't seen her yet, but Natara had seen him. He now looked around, searching for a familiar face. Natara kept her head down, all the better to avoid the gaze of Mal Fallon.

_Mal Fallon_

His eyes scanned the crowd, seeking a flash of coffee colored hair. Listening intently for the sound of her voice, faintly Indian like her father but mixed with American, all rolled up in a professional tone. Then he saw her, her head was down. Her hair was hiding her face but was the same color and length. She was standing right by the luggage cart. "Nat!" he yelled, running to her. She didn't even look up, not even when he was standing right next to her. "How could you just not tell me you were leaving?" he said angrily. She did not move. "Are you even listening?" his temper overcoming his tone.  
>"You talking to me?" she said. Her voice was too high. She finally looked up. This girl had hair like Natara, but her face was one of a teenager. Headphones were blaring music in he ears, but she quickly removed one to listen to Mal. "Sorry, thought you were someone else". He sped off, leaving the Natara look-alike with a confused look on her face. She shrugged, putting her headphone back in.<p> 


	13. Chapter 13

_Natara Williams_

Mal was getting to close. She kept her head down, half hoping he would find her. Part of her wanted to call out to him. Possibly explain her reasons for keeping her departure a secret so he wouldn't hate her. Some to get some closure for the partner that she would never see again. The other half wanted to keep hiding from him. To disappear, make it quick like ripping off a bandage. It was the first part that clearly had control over her body. It was the first part that made her call out to him.

_Mal Fallon_

His head snapped up at the sound of his name, searched the crowd for her familiar face. He spotted her, pushing aside complaining waiting passengers. He finally reached her, and the two stared awkwardly at each other for a moment, as if they had become strangers. "Think I was gonna let you leave without saying goodbye?" he finally said. She smiled, and much to Mal's surprise she threw her arms around his shoulders as if greeting an old friend. After a moment be wrapped his arms around her, slipping the keychain in her jacket pocket and said "you forgot this, couldn't let you leave without it." He felt Natara pull him closer as she buried her face in his shoulder, elated by the fact that he had finally found her.


	14. Chapter 14

_Natara Williams_

She let her face break for a moment, hiding her briefly grief-stricken face in his shoulder. Let one noise, a strangled gasp of air, out. That was all she showed before she composed herself as she emerged. "I'm sorry" she said quietly "I just didn't know how to tell you."  
>He didn't respond, but simply kept holding her close. That was good enough, because his embrace said a thousand unsaid words.<p>

_Mal Fallon_

He knew Natara was trying to hid her face in his shoulder, and allowed her to do so to maintain her pride. He was surprised when she pulled away do fast, so surprised he didn't even let go of her. What really surprised him when she didn't seem to mind that he didn't, indeed she did something he had seen her do to someone else. Something completely unexpected. She kept her arms around him, rested her head on her shoulder. She was completely relaxed, and Mal knew. She could trust him, and he would never let himself hurt her.


	15. Chapter 15

_Natara Williams_

She let her head rest in her shoulder, happy she had called him over, that she could spent a few precious minutes with her partner before she left him forever. Then the words that, despite the opposing feelings she had an hour before, sounded across the room and made a weight drop in her chest. "Attention, the 7:00am flight to D.C. Is now boarding" said a loud female voice. Natara didn't want to move, but knew she had to. Mal moved before she did, letting go. "This isn't a goodbye" he said "we'll make this work". Natara nodded, and knew. From then on, Mal wasn't her partner or even her friend anymore. Wordlessly, she knew she was about to be in a long distance relationship.

_Mal Fallon_

It was against anything he wanted, but he picked up Natara's suitcase while she grabbed her laptop bag. He walked her to the door that would lead outside to her plane, right to where the door she would soon walk through that would take her far away. He kissed her on the forehead, just as he had when they were undercover as a married couple. Only this time it was real. This time it was probably the last time he would do so for a long time. She boarded, and he swore he saw her shadowed form in the window, looking back at him. Then he was forced to turn away from her, to walk away as to not get run over by a plane.


	16. Chapter 16

**I'm very sorry if this sounds like cheesy crap, this is my first romantic Fan-fiction and it might suck. I honesty don't like the ending but I'm to lazy to rewrite it and can't think of a better ending. So…here it is. Please don't outright hate, if your gonna say it sucked please give constructive criticism, not just 'this sucked'. Thanks.**

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><p><em>Mal Fallon<em>

He knew she was gone, that she would no longer stroll out to the his car again. That she would never look at a case with him, fitting the pieces together that he couldn't. He wouldn't tease her playfully, she wouldn't have a witty comeback. But in a way he gained something from this, he hadn't come out and said it, but she knew. She knew he had cared for her as much as, maybe even more than anyone, and he had learned the feeling was mutual. She had accepted it, had wordlessly said it back. Now it was out, before it was really to late. And he knew that it wouldn't be hard for her because he wasn't her partner. He knew if it had happened before she would always be partially haunted by her past, painful memories every time she saw him. He had known long ago she had picked up the pieces of her past, but her ghost had never quite left. Now she was gone, leaving behind painful and wonderful memories alike, but had not left behind Mal. He drove back to the station, conflicted about recent events. He walked in to tell Amy he had caught her, that it had not been to late to 'say goodbyes'. But as he walked downstairs he found he didn't need to tell her. Natara was there, smiling from Amy's computer screen, obviously just telling Amy what had happened.

_Natara Williams_

She had just said goodbye to Mal, but had a long plane ride. She may not see him every day, but wanted it to be as close as possible. She turned on Skype on her computer, and Amy responded on her computer, even though it was for work. She told her what had happened, and Amy had smiled all through the story. Mal had then walked in as if on cue. His face showed utter shock at her appearance at Amy's computer screen. She then knew, they could make this work. That they didn't need to say goodbye.

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><p><strong>The End...OR IS IT? I'm planning on writing a sequel, I don't know if I'm gonna post it yet, so tell me if you think I should. I'm planning on putting some action in it, but don't plan on deaths. It's gonna be about if Mal and Natara can maintain their relationship, even after something HUGE I'm planning happens. Let me know if you think I should do it.<strong>

** Thanks for reading!**

**-_But I Have Promises To Keep._**


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